Quite a few years ago now I remember I had an issue with an ex liking other girls Facebook pictures. They were the usual selfie/boobs out type of deal and it made me feel quite repulsed. Not to mention suspicious and anxious. I remember stewing on it, particularly when I realised just how regularly it was happening. And in case anyone is a lap behind, women turn into Sherlock Holmes in a heartbeat when they sense something is up. Do not under estimate the power of our inner digital stalk abilities.
I also remember wondering if I was paranoid and crazy and if it was a modern day adjustment that I would just have to get used to. Naturally, being a female I consulted 70 of my closest female friends on their opinions. The overwhelming response was that NO you are not crazy!!!! And they reassured me they would be feeling the exact same way. There was one or two who said that it wasn’t a big deal, but they were generally the younger ones who I also wrote off as slightly naive at the time (no offence ladies!).
So I confronted my then partner and he totally didn’t get it….until I said well I guess I have free reign to like *insert hot guys names here* gym selfies whenever I like then! And I could see the blood drain from his face. I also had to remind him of how psycho he was if certain males paid me any attention on social media or Snapchatted me – to the point where I had to delete my account. So basically they think it’s fine if they do it but if we were to like half naked guys pics they would feel just as shit. Why? They know it’s sending the wrong message. They know it’s essentially saying, “I’m DTF.” And they especially hate it if the guys are alpha varieties. You will also notice that men generally aren’t liking their “female friends” modest photos. Or photos with them hanging with a guy/boyfriend….OR when they’re practically wearing a burka. No, they are double tapping on the provocative, scantily clad or blatant images, and that’s the part that irks us!
WHERE AM I GOING WITH THIS?
So why am I talking about this now? Well, after reading a completely unrelated article, I came across this one below:
The memories of my own experiences came back and I got to thinking about how I feel as a single in this situation.
I completely agree with the author of the above article and she makes some very valid points (ladies you need to read it!). One of the points mentioned which resonated with me is how women and men perceive nudity. Women are not turned on by nudity in the same way men are. We are far more emotionally motivated and the physical is just one tiny aspect. Men on the other hand, tend to have very different reactions which I don’t need to explain – if you want it explained click the link above.
THE BIGGEST ISSUE:
As mentioned in the article, the biggest issue is the engagement factor. The fact a guy feels the need to let the woman know they look hot to them is what worries their partner. With a raunchy Playboy poster, you stare at it but there is no way on Earth you would be able to communicate your appreciation. So the fact someone is potentially attainable is what causes an issue. You can think it, but liking comes across as acting on it.
HOW I VIEW PROSPECTIVE DATES ON SOCIAL MEDIA AS A SINGLE WOMAN:
I most definitely have a major stalk of anyone I am potentially considering on their social media accounts. I am very open about this because everyone does it. You would have to be an idiot in this day and age not to! You need to have an idea of what you’re getting into. And as someone whose been caught out with dishonest males before, I am even more paranoid about covering all bases before getting involved. That’s not to say some aren’t still excessively sneaky. I know a couple of married guys who don’t have a single picture or even an obvious mention of their wife on Instagram, yet everyone else seems to make the public cut. Interesting…
I’ve listed my pet peeves below in dot form to make it more simple. I do hope I don’t offend anyone.
- Following hundreds, if not thousands of girls on Instagram, with the majority involving profile pics of the girl looking like she’s auditioning to be a stripper or porn star
- Following considerably more women than men on any platform
- Liking pics of every girl who enters your feed, namely if they’re half naked
- Following titty accounts
- Following booty accounts
- Following/liking porn star content
- Excessive gym selfies – I know this might sound hypocritical since girls take selfies all the time, but if you are practically only posting selfies of you in the gym showing your pec cleavage it kinda screams the wrong messages… it’s the equivalent of girls who only post selfies of themselves with their boobs hanging out. And yes, I am aware I sometimes post pictures of this nature myself… so not judging girls who post the odd sexy image
- Sliding into the DMs of every new female follower. We know you ain’t sending those DMs to any new male follower. Give me a break. I also know a number of married or taken men who slide into my own DMs with pervy or inappropriate messages. Even the ones disguised as innocent like, “hey, how are you?” are not innocent – why are we talking since we aren’t close??? Again, they aren’t sending them to their mate from high school after they updated their profile picture
So I probably sound like a total judgmental bitch to some people, but experience tells me I’m usually correct about what I’ve said. I know if guys aren’t in a relationship it shouldn’t be a big deal what they do on social media, but it still kind of makes you question their behaviour a little. I am not saying I would completely write a guy off if he demonstrated any of the above actions, I am just saying I would be a little wary when first getting involved. The same way I’d be concerned if every weekend they ended up at a strip club, or if they’re constantly going on “boys trips” to Thailand. And I have a number of female friends who can attest. One thing I do wish to make clear is that I realise there are the odd exceptions to the rule. I definitely know of men who behave a certain way when they are single, only to become the most wonderful, dedicated and loyal partner once in a relationship. I also know guys who like and follow “sexy” girls on social media who also have zero intention of making a move and are 100% faithful. And I don’t think every guy who likes a picture of mine is trying to bone me. But some are. I am just speaking very generally here and from personal experience.
As usual, I would love to hear some feedback from both genders.
And on this ONE ocassion I give full freedom and zero judgement to anyone to slide into my DMs to talk shop hahaha!