8 Things that have taken my whole life (thus far) to learn

I often take time to do some life reflecting. Well, it’s not like I circle the date in my calendar or anything, but just from time to time, on the couch or when I can’t sleep – these thoughts pop into my head. Some are simply what life has thrown at me, others are common pains and pleasures we all must endure at sometime or another. They can’t be prepared for and their memories won’t go away – for better or worse.

There are definitely a few stand outs, and as a female in my 20s I am positive they will be familiar to many. And I’m still learning all the time, everyday I learn something new. Here are my most notable lessons I’ve learnt…

No one will care for you like your family does…

This is something I think you definitely learn as you age. I think many females have these grandiose ideas of a Sex and the City style girl squad who will drop everything and run the minute you need them, but the fact is it will be your family who runs for you 99% of the time. Sure, you will have close friends who care for you and some will do a damn good job of helping you out within their means. But ultimately, when things go down to the wire your family will be the ones who go to great lengths to pull you through.

Nothing matters unless you feel good about yourself as a person inside…

You can have all the success, the coolest of friends, the hottest wardrobe, the greatest lifestyle and perfect hair, but if you hate yourself you won’t enjoy a second of it. I’ve learnt this lesson a few times and I’m sure I will continue to. Not that I hate myself AT ALL, and I don’t think I’ve ever truly been depressed or been overly insecure as a whole, but I know the feeling of things appearing great from the outside but not feeling it inside. And, of course, I have felt insecure at times too. Modelling was a little like this – people thought because I was appearing in campaigns and travelling the world and was skinny that everything was great, but the lifestyle didn’t suit me and I felt disconnected from other things, therefore, I wasn’t happy. I also felt like I was underachieving on a different level. I have many friends and know other individuals who appear to have it all yet are lonely inside and hate their own company. It isn’t something which can be fixed with a Chanel bag or a trip to Europe. You need to find what you love and what makes yourself tick.

Having a partner is just a band-aid for other issues…

Furthermore, your insecurities and issues will not go away just because your partner makes you feel great. It amazes me how many females (and I’m sure men, too) think that all their issues are solved by getting a boyfriend or getting married/having kids etc. Newsflash – that feeling is temporary and at some stage your issues will rear their ugly heads again! If you can’t be by yourself or comfortable in your own skin, you need to sort out WHY. Same goes for your only hobby being your partner and their life – it has an expiry date.

Staying out late and going to every party…

Is not fulfilling and doesn’t make you cool. Well, it may make you “cool” temporarily and with all the wrong social-climber types of people, but it also may make you do regretful things and possibly with regretful people which may leave behind a memory so deep you have to stash it away in that-corner-of-your-brain which you never open cause it’s guarded by a moat with dragons and a lock tighter than Gringotts – for good reason. Nothing good ever does happen after 2am.

Comparing yourself to others will be your undoing…

I truly believe that worrying about everyone else is the fastest way to kill yourself. Okay, maybe not literally, but it will kill your self-esteem and make you do horrible things. I find jealousy to be the ugliest of traits, and I’ve definitely attracted my fair share of it in life which is why I am so attuned to spotting it. I’m not saying that because I’m up myself and think I’m awesome, I have just been a victim of it many times. Whether it be for doing well at something or even something as innocuous as getting asked out on a date, women can be horrendous for hating on one another. I’ve shed many tears over petty things like this. One of my earliest memories was year 6; this boy who sat at my group table in class had a crush on me. He must have been the shortest and I one of the tallest, so no one was more shocked than I when it got around that he “liked me.” One of my so-called “friends,” unbeknownst to I, had a crush on him at the time, and lets just say her behaviour towards me from that moment on was anything but kind.

As adults we all do it. Whether it be comparing jobs, appearance, cars, talent and so on. I think anytime you’re stuck comparing yourself you need to immediately remind yourself that you have your own life and own skills and talents to work on and that no one is perfect, even if they seem that way!! Plus, imagine how much better you could be if you focused on yourself instead of others’ fortune.

Being skinny is overrated…

I can honestly say I am so happy I don’t have to worry about my weight anymore. Make that appearance in general – though obviously I like to look my best no matter what, it isn’t an obsession that consumes me 24/7. As soon as you accept your shape the better. Anyone who tells you you need to be skinnier should disappear from your life immediately and never return. I have known friends who indulged in diets such as living on baby food, illicit drugs, eating only fruit, drinking only coffee, taking laxatives, taking appetite suppressants purchased from eBay and more. Then of course there’s the over-exercisers, the neurotics who claim to eat “all the time” yet only in front of an audience, and those who just constantly state they are “on a diet,” or “need to drop a size.” YAWWWWN. For a start, you bore everyone to death. Second, why starve yourself? You get one life and no one wants to live hungry. There are people who have no choice but to starve and would kill to be in your shoes. Besides, a truly beautiful human being is one who radiates happiness and warmth from WITHIN, not a sad bag of bones with RBF.

True friends…

Are hard to find, as cliche as that sounds. I think it’s just through trial and error we eventually work it out. But I do believe a true friend tells you when you have a booger hanging out of your nose. They don’t agree with you to your face then slam you behind your back. They don’t “like” your #selfies on Instagram then call you vain when you aren’t around. True friends defend you till their blue in the face and send you flowers on your birthday even when you ask them not to!

Be kind and tolerant…

This one isn’t always easy, but being tolerant of people’s flaws and fears can take you a long way. You may not always understand them but you should be tolerant, because people usually aren’t making them up and really feel it. Same goes for being kind, we’re all taught it but sometimes we forget, and a few kind words can really boost someone’s day!






6 thoughts on “8 Things that have taken my whole life (thus far) to learn

  1. I absolutely agree with those comments Melly! My mum used to say “look after yourself first, last and always”. I used to think that was a selfish thing to do, but it has truth in it!

    1. Haha yeah I agree! Not in a selfish way, but in the sense that being so concerned about what everyone else is doing is detrimental to your own development. Of course, worrying about others’ wellbeing is a different matter and you should definitely consider others too 🙂 xx

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